Woooo Yeaaah!

Well 2.30pm came and I was doing the usual thing, you know... having a panic attack, generally shitting myself. In case people haven't figured out I took my driving test today for the third time! I really didn't want to fail, and was relieved to see that it was a female examiner, happy, bubbly and chatty- just what you need to ease the tension.

I had a test route in my mind that I really wanted and she took me on a lovely simple route, however the price was doing the dreaded parallel park- EVIL. Especially when the road that i'm doing it in is tiny! I failed my second time for hitting a curb and I did not want to hit a curb at all this time round... so I picked up a minor for re adjusting and it paid off into a nice little maneuver. The reverse round the corner was odd. I usually do that with the road markings, and can do it perfectly... but there were no roadmarkings what so ever. So I was kind of giving it a guess, and I went over a bit and got a minor for control but that was it, and something I agreed with. She had told me at the beginning that she would only make me do two maneuvers, and they were done one straight after another... so I was very pleased with myself.

The rest of the route was a doddle. Two roundabouts, a dual carriage way and a bit of town driving. Easy peasy... and I thought i'd get the route from hell!

When I pulled into the test centre, and parked up she counted up my minors and my heart sunk a little cause I thought that maybe a bit of dodgy lane discipline would have let me down. But no, when she said... 'I am happy to tell you that you have passed your test, congratulations' it was surreal. And the guy who started his test at the same time had also passed... so my dad was running about with glee, as was the other guys girlfriend and his mum. ACE ACE ACE ACE ACE FRIGGIN ACE.

I'm just a bit nervous now, mainly because I have now got to drive back up north from the midlands... nerve wracking?? Why yes, but hell... Really, I can't bloody wait.

What Am I Talking About?

Its bizarre waking up in the morning, heart racing, feeling hot and sweaty even though the room is freezing cold. I feel sick to the stomach and I can't stop watching that damn clock. It's 11.08am, not long to go, a few hours or so. So I decide to read my book, but the words just fall flat... if you know what I mean.

She understands but does not comprehend.

If I don't succeed in my task then I will feel infuriated, but my nerves get the better of me, almost all the time. Its not the going into the unknown... because going into the unknown always ends up better than what it looks like in your head. Today I'm doing something that I've done many times before, actually twice... so not that many times but it feels more because i'm an idiot and i'm good at working myself up into an uncrontrolable state. For example I couldn't even write my name last time... in fact that amused me a little. I had never shaken through fear enough, so that I was not able to write my own name.

It's stupid, everyone goes through this at some point if they choose to. Ands that's the thing, I've chosen to do this, no one is forcing me... this is of my own doing. Yet I am putting such high importance on it that it makes it seem like a matter of life or death... when really... its not. I think i'm afraid of letting certain people down... and (wait for the opera bit) i'm afraid of letting myself down. THIS IS IDIOTIC!!!!

I wish that someone would come upto me and give me a slap and say 'pull yourself together woman!!' I think I might be okay then. Who knows.

11.16
Starting to feel a bit better. Heart rate is going down a little. I've been taking the Bach's Remedy for calming you down but I don't think its been working as I haven't calmed down. Peppermint tea works for the dodgy stomach. I haven't been sick yet, which is good cause I was quite ill last time. Deep breaths. Surely I should feel excited... I was feeling excited yesterday, giddy excited. Like Christmas... no thats bullshit.

Okay, listen... if this goes well today it could lead to liberation. LIBERATION from what you ask.

For I am not going to tell you. Now that is a secret.

until about 6pm tonight!
(that's when i'll be back on I reckon!)

A blog, at last!

I've been so busy recently that I don't know what to write about. My driving tests, moving home, moving in with my boyfriend, or starting my new job... or even figuring out how to fold a bike. However I have just read about graduate jobs in the paper and it struck a nerve.

For the past month, I've been working in my new job at a press company. I'm currently working as a gig critic... which is not as cool as it sounds. I basically write something like this for each band that is playing a gig:

Brighton-based four-piece promote tracks from their latest album, New Morning.

Nottingham-based metal merchants plug their latest audio offering.

The three time Mobo Award winner kicks off her tour and takes her latest album, Decent, with her.

It ends up in a few national papers, and that's it. That's all I do, all day long. It's easy but deadly dull, but I must say I got so excited when I picked up a national paper and saw the listings that I had written in there. I enjoyed the first few hours of work that morning.

It feels good knowing that I have got a job that is in the media, but I know of a lot of graduates who are really struggling at the moment. The problem is, is that a lot of companies expect you to have at least two-years experience... and be a graduate. It's something that I think is grossly unfair and I believe that it discriminates against those who are young, and been educated. It's rather shit that after you have worked hard at university and got a good degree, that it's impossible to get a decent job in that area. It's just not possible anymore to gain that job after uni, unless you managed to miraculously fit in two-years experience in the field and complete a three-year degree. I think delusional is the word.

I feel lucky to have a media job, but on a piss poor wage of £11,000 per year I can't help but feel a little aggravated. It was reported recently, that the lowest graduate wage around is around £12,500 a year. In some ways I guess you have to put up with being exploited by media companies... they are never going to change. They will continue to make hard workers, work hard and long hours for nothing (I know someone who is on an internship in London and is getting paid nothing). They know that when we want something, we will do anything to earn it. Its a way of proving your worth..If you do the time you will reap the rewards, eventually. But it shouldn't be like that, yes work hard but no we shouldn't get exploited for our efforts. Any graduates out there, looking for a job, but struggling then the best of luck to you.